She Be Fierce

Are you one of life’s good listeners? Attracting people who just want to expose their souls to a complete stranger is a very humbling experience and if you are a human being who doesn’t think twice about giving up a few minutes to hear them, more power to you!  It happens to me often, to the point where I think I should charge for counselling services; I would have made a mint by now.  Oddly enough they have done more for me and all of them have left an imprint on my mind and have given me so much to think about.

One of these was a cab driver who on looking at me through his rear view mirror decided it would be an opportune moment to tell me his love life story.  People feel the need to talk and that’s a good thing, perhaps it’s easier with someone you’ve never met before and will never cross paths with again; unless there is only one cab driver in Essex!  Anyway, as I’m big on loyalty (even with someone I’ve only met once) I won’t go into detail, but it made me think.

Like the ‘shrink’ from the ‘Sopranos’, I listened seeming detached at first but then found myself almost hypnotized by his heart-felt story. Finally, once I’d heard the entire tale, I asked the question. What kind of woman do men want? I understood the answer to mean a cross between an innocent servant girl from a Bollywood movie and the Greek Goddess, Aphrodite.

The servant girl: Smelling of detergent and saffron, avoids direct eye contact with the use of her intricately detailed veil and whilst her gaze is low, she allows him to talk without interrupting. She only speaks to ask his name and tells him she likes it.  Then, she is silent once more. He wonders if he will ever hear her sweet voice again or if he heard it in the first place. She continues with her chores leaving him dumb founded!

Aphrodite: Smelling of Roses and honey, her veil is on the floor!  She also, is silent. Her actions speak a thousand words.  She has captured him in more ways than one and she knows it. She wants him to hold her but takes her pleasure by holding him and it shows.  She will lead him to believe that there will never be another woman for him, not in this lifetime or the next.  Only a fool would let her go!

Very different interpretations of women looking for love but they have two things in common, an air of mystery and confidence.  Giving off a vibe that suggests you are in some way weak, vulnerable or easy will put a man off instantly or you become easy prey for a swooping vulture.  In reality only men know what they want and what they are looking for, you’d be wasting your time trying to figure it out.  Figure yourself out first, be sure of who you are; only then will you be sure of someone else.

© Michelle Sotiriou 2013

I got a very intriguing and out of the blue Tweet from a good friend of mine asking if I could write about something that had obviously got her feathers ruffled.  Not one to ignore the plea of a mate I’ll give it my best non-judgmental shot!

You date someone and YOU think it’s going well, then on the third dinner date he drops his seafood platter and says, “I’m not ready for dating but can we be friends? 

Anyone who has gone through this or something similar will have a lot of questions they will want to ask the ‘Dumper’ and you will be questioning yourself too…the ‘Dumped’! The all too predictable stages you will go through are:

Hell hath no fury like a woman who’s choked on her starter…

Why did you wait till the third date, you could have called me before?  I wouldn’t have put on my best Jimmy Choo’s!  Well, this all depends on what he said to you during those dates but ultimately they were only dates not a lifetime commitment.

You watch Embarrassing bodies for research purposes…

Even the most confident of people have their insecurities and will have an off day thinking that they weren’t good enough in some way. Just remember, you won’t be everyone’s cup of tea but that doesn’t mean to say that you will never be someone’s Champagne Cocktail!

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…

• He’s too busy; a woman is a nice distraction but a distraction all the same.  Men like to stay focused on business especially when they have a goal in mind.
• He’s in ‘construction’; the fella that you’re dating could be more Tony Soprano than Tony Smith.
• He’s married, going through a rough patch or separation and you are just what he thinks he needs to move on; what he didn’t bank on was the guilt that followed.  Perhaps he should have told you?  No perhaps about it, of course he should! But you don’t know the in’s and out’s and he will be going through more than you realise, he’s not ready…yet.
• He just wants to have fun!  Well why not, he hasn’t promised to put a ring on it or tell you he wants you for his baby mamma…has he?

Honestly…

I could go on and on and on but who needs to waste more time working out a problem that turns your brains to mush and saps all your energy?  And they say women are hard to work out!  When someone opens the door to you it’s quite amazing but there can come a time when they slam it shut and in your face! It’s the ending that we find hard to come to terms with; no matter the gender or situation.  So he says he’d like to stay in touch, depending on the fella it means he’s either hoping it will fizzle out eventually or you really are someone he’d like to have as a friend.

One thing is certain,  if you want a lasting friendship try not to broadcast your private business on Twitter.  You’ll lose the right followers and gain the wrong ones.

© Michelle Sotiriou 2013

I asked my friends to tell me in just one word what makes them happy.  Some mentioned food, football, cats and movies; this is why I write.  They surprise me and quite often make me laugh with their ideas and no holds barred honesty. The people have spoken and have kindly given me much to think about for blog posts spanning the next month maybe more!  There was a word that came up a lot not just on its own but within a phrase or sentence that means so much to them that perhaps it’s the only thing that truly matters; LOVE!

Yep, that word comes up a lot and everyone has their own vision of love, but does your vision match that of another?  If it doesn’t then how can it be love?  To me love means being loyal, compassionate and unselfish whilst having the best interest of the other person at heart…who ever that might be.  The only way for love to manifest is if these ideals are mutual.  The sad thing is that most people convince themselves that they are and make allowances for the wrong person leaving themselves exposed to heartache.  But no one ever listened to a friend telling them they are looking like a fool; it’s when you start feeling like one that things start to change.

So what isn’t love?  Control has nothing to do with love; when someone stops you from doing something that is important to you simply because they don’t want you to grow.  This probably has more to do with their own fear that they might lose you but in truth it has more to do with the fact that they are envious of your spirit…never let them dampen yours.  If only they could be as enthusiastic as you in your hopes and dreams for the future, they are incapable and what’s more they are ignorant to the fact that they will lose you anyway…inevitable.

It isn’t rocket science really but you may find yourself going through this very thing.  I’ve been through it and had no doubt in my mind that I would walk eventually, and I did (more than once) I got to thinking how many people are there in the world and I subject myself to something or someone who makes me feel like I’m walking on egg shells?  I’d rather be walking on air thank you very much!  Some of you are lucky in love and have found instantly without the drama that one person who is willing to share, listen, encourage and support you.  Others will take the longer route but you learn things along the way; the trick is never to repeat the mistakes of the past otherwise it was all for nothing.

For me real love has no hidden agenda; it shouldn’t be about what’s in it for you, now that would be selfish wouldn’t it?  It’s a question that’s not easy to answer but being honest is the first step to love, in whatever form that may take.

© Michelle Sotiriou 2013

Sometimes, we say things in front of kids that perhaps we should have phrased in a different way and in some cases shouldn’t have said at all.  We underestimate how their brains process things and how they are able to reach a conclusion using ‘pure’ thoughts before the ‘murky’ ones that cloud the brain in our adulthood creep in.

There we were, a room full of women talking about life, relationships and what to do with both.  As we are women, the subject of men came into the mix…in the words of Brad Pitt; ‘Inevitable’.

The question that came up was what should come first, a bit like the chicken or the egg.  A man or a life?  We didn’t get too personal or graphic as there was a 12-year-old present, just a bit of mindful banter.

The 12-year-old was my nephew who said, “You need to have your own life first and then you’ll find a man who will build a life with you…together”.

Dominic is the only male of the species I know that is able to silence a room full of women.  Who ever he chooses to build a life with will be a very lucky girl.

© Michelle Sotiriou 2013