Hearing of pregnancies is always such a lovely thing and that kind of beautiful news always makes my day! It’s so exciting to know that the mother’s life is about to be enhanced in so many ways; then I got to thinking about the baby. No doubt, babies are loved and these sweet-smelling can’t take your eyes of them little bundles should be; but is a mothers love enough? It seems more and more women are opting to have babies without the fathers knowledge and opt out of telling ‘him’ that he will even be one.
The stories I hear are very personal from going off to a sperm bank spending hours choosing a donor from a colour coded catalogue; hair texture, height, education and eye colour. It’s like deciding on the right shade of pink for your bedroom with the help of swatches from your local hardware store. But children aren’t tins of paint and their shade shouldn’t even matter. As a single woman if you haven’t been lucky or blessed to meet a man who you know will be the perfect father to your children, doesn’t that tell you that there are other things that could fulfill your life? It’s a choice that I’m not sure about, it all seems a little manufactured to me and I’m sure these sperm banks are raking it in knowing that desperate people will pay for anything.
Accidents happen but Freud famously said, “There are no accidents in life”. What could this mean when you become pregnant? It’s up to both people to use some form of contraception, I mean there are two of you after all. But what happens when the woman wants to get pregnant and has no intention of telling him? People do what they want and what they feel is right for them, I’m not judging just trying to understand something that I find just a little strange and coldly underhanded. It troubles me that these women really believe a child doesn’t need a male figure in their life or are we conditioned socially into believing children need both?
I’m trying to see this from the eyes of a child, I was one once and if I put myself back in my kids shoes and pony tails what questions would I be asking as I grow up? I have lots of questions as any inquisitive child would but the one that stands out the most is. “Who is my daddy”? How will a mother answer that question and be able to give an answer that her child will understand and not blame her for? I thought I’d ask some women what they thought some said, “Good on them, they don’t need a man they can do it without”! Others said, “Every child needs a dad”. You can tell from these comments that every woman goes through very different experiences with men and the fathers of their own children; their answers tell a story which I’m sure you can work out for yourselves.
As for me, if I decide on a man to father OUR children he’ll be the first to know…
© Michelle Sotiriou 2013