You are conceived
The mother and child bond is the first you make and is the most special of all ties. Already you begin a relationship based on familiarity, warmth, sound and smell. You get to know her before she gets to know you. The time you dwell within this safe house that is the womb is the time you first know love and feel loved.
This is when you learn to trust someone for the first time and instinctively know she will not let you down. You feel a gentle hand touch you for the first time as she strokes her skin occasionally reassuring you, you are wanted. Emotions are felt by her that transcend to you; excitement, happiness, surprise and fear.
You are born
The umbilical cord has been cut but the attachment you have formed with the woman carrying and protecting you for months has remained and is strong. You hear her gentle voice, no longer a muffled sound, clear and sweet you are comforted. She kisses you, this is your first kiss, tender and without conditions.
Your button nose is aroused by her scent. You follow with your eyes as the scent moves from room to room but will never leave you. She holds you close to her chest where you nestle and curl up like a contented kitten. You hear beats per minute that pleasantly soothe you; this is the first time you hear the echo of a heart bursting with love.
She helps you to become the person you choose to be. You will hear but not always listen, she will look at you in a way that only you will understand. She is a mother and a woman. There may be times when the two are in conflict with each other, a tug of emotions and a battle to do the right thing for both. She will wound herself and you will be the casualty but still the bond never breaks. The scent is still strong.
You say goodbye
She didn’t explain how to do this, how you feel this, how you cope with this and how you live without the bond now severed. You reach out but you can’t feel her, you longingly search every corner for the sweet familiar scent that reminded you she was present. There is a hole in your heart that in that moment seems impossible to fill. But she gave you hope; the first person to give you hope.
Mistakes and heartache are inevitable when the one that guides you has left. She can no longer show you the way in her physical form which is confusing and can leave you feeling alone in this world. You are not alone. She is there in every mirror you look into, in every step you take and in every decision you make. A mother will nurture and protect you but she will also have taught you some valuable lessons too; all you have to do is remember them. She was your teacher, your first teacher.
Breathe the life she breathed into you, it isn’t easy and you will gasp for air more than once but she believed in you then and she believes in you now; she believed in you first.
© Michelle Sotiriou 2014