I often wonder about going to a random train station and jumping on a train to ‘who knows where.’ Who knows where is a destination shrouded in mystery and anticipation for the traveller about to enter its borders and I for one wouldn’t mind taking this heady trip; as long as I have air in my lungs I’m breathing, isn’t that all I need? You see when you have a feeling that something isn’t quite right it can be so hard to explain, you are encouraged to see what you do have instead of what you don’t making you seem selfish.
I am grateful for so many blessings in my life but this isn’t about the things I have or the people around me, I know who they are; I notice and love them even if I seem detached at times. This is about something that goes deeper, there is a level of consciousness that speaks louder than any conversation you have with a partner, sister, brother or friend. Something is missing, you know it and the people who love you know it too yet they remind you of all the good things anyway. How can you be positive all the time when it isn’t how you’re feeling?
I honestly think that forced positivity will cause a lot more damage. It seems to me that we read a quote that lifts our spirits for a moment, for a few seconds we feel alright? Does this make me negative? I am a realist and I know the only way for positive thoughts to have any kind of rightful place in my mind is to understand the negative; only then can I start the cleansing process. Be happy anyway they say, but why? You would be cheating yourself and anyone you meet will never really know the real you, just the fake one.
Sounds like I’m anti-positivity doesn’t it. I’m far from being against a state of mind that brings us calm and balance; I just don’t think we should hide behind it. It will come but only if the fears, worries, angst and hurt we have are dealt with. A relationship has ended, your way of dealing with it is to find another, you have an unexpected fall out with a friend so you think making new friends will help you to move on. These are just two scenarios where you have given yourself no time to come to terms with loss and to heal. As a result, you are not a true representation of yourself.
As much as we try to figure out why people have thrown us under a bus we avoid asking questions of ourselves. It’s not a blame game, more a time for going on a self-awareness quest. Taking responsibility for our own actions is the hardest thing to do but when you ask yourself the unthinkable, you allow space for the unimaginable….happiness.
© Michelle Sotiriou 2014