Positively Negative…Give Happiness a Chance

I often wonder about going to a random train station and jumping on a train to ‘who knows where.’ Who knows where is a destination shrouded in mystery and anticipation for the traveller about to enter its borders and I for one wouldn’t mind taking this heady trip; as long as I have air in my lungs I’m breathing, isn’t that all I need? You see when you have a feeling that something isn’t quite right it can be so hard to explain, you are encouraged to see what you do have instead of what you don’t making you seem selfish.

I am grateful for so many blessings in my life but this isn’t about the things I have or the people around me, I know who they are; I notice and love them even if I seem detached at times. This is about something that goes deeper, there is a level of consciousness that speaks louder than any conversation you have with a partner, sister, brother or friend. Something is missing, you know it and the people who love you know it too yet they remind you of all the good things anyway. How can you be positive all the time when it isn’t how you’re feeling?

I honestly think that forced positivity will cause a lot more damage. It seems to me that we read a quote that lifts our spirits for a moment, for a few seconds we feel alright? Does this make me negative? I am a realist and I know the only way for positive thoughts to have any kind of rightful place in my mind is to understand the negative; only then can I start the cleansing process. Be happy anyway they say, but why? You would be cheating yourself and anyone you meet will never really know the real you, just the fake one.

Sounds like I’m anti-positivity doesn’t it. I’m far from  being against a state of mind that brings us calm and balance; I just don’t think we should hide behind it. It will come but only if the fears, worries, angst and hurt we have are dealt with. A relationship has ended, your way of dealing with it is to find another, you have an unexpected fall out with a friend so you think making new friends will help you to move on. These are just two scenarios where you have given yourself no time to come to terms with loss and to heal. As a result, you are not a true representation of yourself.

As much as we try to figure out why people have thrown us under a bus we avoid asking questions of ourselves. It’s not a blame game, more a time for going on a self-awareness quest. Taking responsibility for our own actions is the hardest thing to do but when you ask yourself the unthinkable, you allow space for the unimaginable….happiness.

© Michelle Sotiriou 2014

My Travels: Girl’s On a Greek Island

Dilemma’s, two possibilities but which do you choose?

Collette and I decided to escape to the sun. It was October and rainy London wasn’t very appealing so off we went to Rhodes for a girlie holiday. A holiday with a friend can test your relationship but not for me and Collette the girl from Liverpool, 20 years on and our friendship is still strong.

Our apartment was on a steep hill next to an army base (this is what happens when you book a last-minute cheap deal) so we decided to hire a scooter to get us to the beach. The man we hired it from was dodgy to say the least and didn’t look the type to be messed with. He may have been the Don of the island for all we knew and was probably known as ‘The Papa’ to anyone who feared him.

To cut a long story short, we crashed our mode of transport! We reached the top of that god forsaken hill and lost our balance. If this was a romance novel the soldiers from the barracks would be jumping over the fence to come and rescue the damsels in distress but this was more of a thriller than Mills and Boon. So there we were broken scooter and blooded knees…I still have the scars to remind me.

We were faced with an Olympic dilemma; take the broken the scooter back to ‘The Papa’ explain what happened and accept our fate or leave it outside his place of ‘business’ in the middle of the night? This covert operation would take some planning and after weighing up our limited options we decided to dumped it outside his shop…dishonest maybe but we were two girl’s in a foreign land and scared very scared!

The next day we sat in the local bar hiding behind our shades when a girl rode up in a scooter that had a familiar crack on the front; we recognized it instantly. Our unfortunate scooter was now in the hands of someone else. I can’t even begin to explain the relief we felt at that moment, this called for a bottle of Ouzo! We duped ‘The Papa’! There was no contest when faced with not one but two women with a brain, the downfall of gangsters throughout history.

Funny, we wanted to escape the British weather and ended up trying to escape from the sunshine of a Greek Island…imagine! It seems to me that when faced with a dilemma, trying to figure out which choice is the right one means taking a chance or that neither may be right at all. What if there is another option that you just can’t see because you are blinded by panic, fear even love?

As for me, I just want to reach a place where the sun shines. Metaphorically speaking, that could be anywhere.

© Michelle Sotiriou 2014